In this thread I'll be posting mantras sung by Deva Premal, the Tibetan Buddhist monks and Sophia, singing bowls orchestrated into meditative tapestries and other New World music.



[Type English translation here.]

[The Dalai Lama story goes here.]

After chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo this morning, I searched for a YouTube video that might help me relax... I was a bit agitated after chanting. I found this video. It's great. I used it to meditate for 24 minutes or so.



As always, after closing my eyes, I meditated on the green colours that appeared. I find when I focus on the red colours or anything else for that matter, I'm more restless, irritable and discontent. Green colours help me transcend thoughts and the feelings stirring within. It's easier for me to find that... inner stillness/sense of balance when I focus on greenish colours.

As I was meditating to the chant Om Tryambakam, I had the sensation that I was born into this family to learn of darkness. I've learned much of darkness living with histrionic/narcissistic personalities. Not all of them are histrionic... The ones who aren't gossip a lot though and they tend to be judgmental--a majority of them. (Most of them are Type A personalities.) The histrionic personalities maliciously gossip if need be. Two, Liz and Sylvia (who happen to be bipolar), play the victim extremely well and lie to manipulate... and I'm often the target. In fact, I am the target now 'cause I don't socialize with them/people please. Why would I want to? They're toxic. I'd rather be true to myself and scapegoated than placate/please anyone again.

I'm histrionic as well unfortunately, but I'm striving to be true to myself and sincere--whatever that looks like, whatever happens as a result. I'm very ill and disabled because I people pleased for the longest time. I wasn't true to myself... *shaking head* I will never be false to myself again.

I've been through hell and back I don't know how many times. Suffice it to say I've experienced the full measure of darkness. Maybe there's something to that thought that came to me while I was meditating? Maybe it was truly divine?

My hands are hurting. 'Have to stop editing and typing.


Edit: As I was praying just now the thought came to me, "You've experienced the full measure of darkness living here." Here is my mother's house. I should've moved out a long time ago, before I became too ill and disabled.